


The House Don't Fall When The Bones Are Good

by roxypony



Category: Cirque du Freak | The Saga of Darren Shan - Darren Shan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Vampire Mountain, just dudes being bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxypony/pseuds/roxypony
Summary: "We're in the home stretch of the hard times. We took a hard left, but we're alright."A collection of unrelated drabbles and character studies exploring Mika and Arrow's friendship. Mentions of Mika/Kurda .
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Hard Left

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends. I've been writing these drabbles between Mika and Arrow for a solid decade now but this is the first time sharing them on this platform. Eventually I'm going to bring them all over from fanfiction.net but this is a new thing I started yesterday. 
> 
> 1) I sort of just ignore canon timelines and events when it's convenient to me, so... sorry I guess. 
> 
> 2) In my universe, I've always written Mika and Arrow as friends that sort of grew up together, having been mentored by Paris and centered a lot of my stuff around that concept. That was my head canon in like 2008 and I've stuck with it for whatever reason. It is what it is. I love the Saga of Larten Crepsley canon but I'm doing my own thing here. 
> 
> 3) I don't ship Mika/Arrow romantically (because that would conflict with my other great passion in life: the romantic involvement between Mika/Kurda) but you're welcome to read into it however you want. I've always enjoyed writing moments of pure platonic love between these big strong dudes. I just think it's nice.
> 
> 4) I essentially only write one shots because I'm not capable of consistency but I will probably use this space as a filing cabinet for the handful of similar things that I have already written, as well as the ones I haven't written yet. 
> 
> 5) I like putting song lyrics in my stories. Is it still cool to do that in 2020? It's been a while. This one is paired with "The Bones" by Maren Morris which I've been listening to A LOT in the time of Covid-19. 
> 
> 6) I just realized I have been writing fan fiction for literally 13 years yet I still can't manage a short, sweet author's note and I am SO SORRY. Please just go enjoy this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of self-destruction, Arrow finally comes home.

We're in the homestretch of the hard times  
We took a hard left, but we're alright  
Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but  
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter  
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter  
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same  
When there ain't a crack in the foundation  
Baby, I know any storm we're facing  
Will blow right over while we stay put  
The house don't fall when the bones are good

\---

Arrow’s life was fractured into two eras: Before Sarah, and After Sarah. From the very first day without her, the rational part of his brain whispered over and over “it’s time to go home, Arrow, back to Vampire Mountain. ”

But there are forms of grief and anger that corrode the soul in ways that are impossible to come back from. Everything good he had in his life lived in the Before. It was impossible to go back. Even to try would be unbearable. So he convinced himself that it was better to live in the After as shell of his former self, comforted with the knowledge that as long as he existed in this state there was nothing left in the universe that could hurt him. He threw his energy into more forms of self-destruction than he could bear to admit. Even decades later when he looked back on that part of his life, there were stretches of time he still couldn’t remember where he was or what he’d been doing. Maybe he was better off not knowing. 

During his time away, he purposely kept a distance from any vampire that ran in his old circles. But he kept tabs on his closest friends while desperately hoping they weren’t doing the same to him. It was five years after Sarah’s death before he had the slightest inkling of desire to rejoin the clan, and another two before he could summon the strength to face them. He waited til a year the council was scheduled to come together and planned his trip for that. 

***

Arrow’s plan didn’t include anything beyond just getting to Vampire Mountain. Once he passed through the doorway he would revert to his old standby – making it up as he went along. He didn’t expect to be welcomed back with opened arms, but he had made peace with that long ago. He would try, and if he failed then he would disappear back into the world until the stubborn gods eventually permitted him to pass away.

As he slowly made his way through the halls, he was encouraged by the fact that no one seemed to recognize him. But his luck ran out when he passed through the doorway to the Hall of Khledon Lurt in hopes of finding a hot meal. The hall was mostly empty, but to his right sat a trio of young looking vampires who Arrow did not recognize. He ignored them, but they wasted no time in making it clear that they knew exactly who he was.

“Aye, that can’t possibly be Arrow?”

“Of course it is, the deserter himself! To what do we owe the honour?”

“So it’s that easy to get back in the clan? Would’ve shacked up with a dozen women by now if I’d known that!”

“Hah! I could get away with it too if I was one of Sire Skyle’s chosen ones!”

Arrow’s gut instinct was to start a fight, but his exhaustion made it easy to ignore the urge, for once. His body ached from the journey and it wasn’t the time. He shot a glare at them, only so he could commit their faces to memory and challenge them properly the next day. It was a good plan, but it was thrown unceremoniously our the window in a matter of seconds.

“I heard the wife made made Vampaneze chow in the end!”

“I don’t know what he expected!”

Arrow stopped dead in his tracks, took a deep breath, and rounded on the trio like a rabid wolverine. Clearly they intended for their jeering to cross a line, because they were ready for him. The fight that followed was ugly. Arrow had always been an exceptional fighter but his opponents weren’t exactly terrible. They were fed and rested, unlike him. Not to mention he was outnumbered. All things considered, he was putting up a respectable fight and the brawl lasted longer than it should have. But still, Arrow was on the receiving end of a very thorough pummeling when a very familiar voice cracked through the air like a whip.

“What the hell is going on in here?! Staffen, who are you beating up now? There’s a time and a place, and in front of my bowl of bat broth is NOT it. Go somewhere else.”

Arrow’s band of assailants retreated like roaches under a lamp, and he slowly rose to his feet to come eye-to-eye with none other than Mika Ver Leth. Arrow could tell Mika hadn’t realized until this exact moment that Arrow has returned to the mountain. For less than a second his face betrayed a wave of emotions but he re-composed himself so quickly, no one besides Arrow would have noticed.

“Arrow. You’re back!” Mika exclaimed with the most painfully forced casualness Arrow has ever heard.

“Hadn’t you heard?” Arrow growled, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth. “I’m a hot topic. Everyone seems to know exactly what’s going on in my life.” He cast a frigid glare around the men he’d been brawling with moments ago. He unabashedly locked eyes with each of them in turn as they shifted uncomfortably.

“You’ve has a busy few years, from what I’ve heard.” Mika replied slowly and deliberately, immediately registering that his old friend wasn’t in a favourable frame of mind. “Let’s get a drink and catch up.”

Some long-forgotten part of Arrow’s brain was screaming the correct course of action would be to joyfully greet his friend, throw his arms around him and sit down with a mug of ale. But that part of his brain had been booted from the driver’s seat years ago.

“I’ll find you when I’m done here.” Arrow snapped before Mika had finished. “This fight isn’t over.”

“I was sort of getting the impression that it was pretty close.” Said Mika, maintaining his casually cautious front. ”Your arm is broken, for one thing.”

Arrow was aware that he was in a good amount of pain, but hadn’t been paying attention to where the pain was coming from til now. He glanced down, and sure enough his right arm looked like it had seen better days.

“My other arm works perfectly fine, and that’s more than enough. But thank you for your concern.” Arrow replied bluntly.

“Carry on then!” Said Mika with notable exasperation and maybe a hint of amusement. “You don’t answer to me! But these three do.” He cast a very pointed stare at the three other brawlers. “And I would HEAVILY advise against carrying on this nonsense in the Hall of Khledon Lurt. Take it to the gaming ring and have at each other, if you must. Crack each other’s skulls for all I care. I will stay here and enjoy my meal in peace.”

Mika’s scolding had clearly put a damper on any enthusiasm about picking up the fight where it left off, and it was obvious he made three other men feel foolish. They dispersed, muttering amongst themselves. Whatever they were muttering, Arrow didn’t hear because the sudden lack of adrenaline had pulled all of his focus down to his mangled arm. It seemed his bones didn’t even have the decency to break cleanly. It was a mess.

“Mika, if you’re looking for excitement, I know you’re more than capable of finding your own. I had everything under control.” Arrow hissed. He knew he was lying through his teeth but the thought of admitting near defeat hurt more than and of the physical punishment he’d been dished out. Mika snorted derisively, abandoning his front of polished professionalism. 

“Arrow, I promise I have ZERO interest in taking any responsibility for you. I had no idea you were here until I saw you on the floor getting destroyed by a bunch of youngbloods. I’ve been training those three for the last year and a half. So if I see them acting like complete fucking imbeciles, it looks bad on me and I’ll deal with it however I want.”

Arrow glared at him but said nothing. He sunk down on a wooden bench by one of the massive tables and cradled his arm, trying to assess the damage.

“I can re-set that for you.” Mika offered, sitting down across the aisle from him. “It would just take a minute.”

“So you’re a healer now too?” Arrow groaned as the injury throbbed.

“Of course not. Seba just showed me a few things. Comes in handy more often than you’d think. Besides, good luck throwing your boomerang with a crooked arm.”

Five years of isolation and hate-fuelled violence had dulled Arrow’s ability to be agreeable, despite that small part of his brain nudging him to accept Mika’s offer.

“It’ll be fine. Eat your bat broth.” Arrow snapped.

“That’s why I’m here.” Said Mika with frustrating calmness. He took a few sips in peace, expecting Arrow to storm off and lick his wounds in private, but he stayed seated. And there they sat in silence for a few minutes, not looking at each other. Arrow hadn’t made a plan for how to handle reuniting with his lifelong friend but was starting to wish he had. Mika on the other hand, had no idea if Arrow was even in the country, much less Vampire Mountain until 5 minutes ago. His mind was reeling but unlike Arrow, he always had a good poker face. Mika slowly cleaned out his bowl one sip at a time. When it was empty, he gently pushed it aside and folded his hands on the table like he was about to conduct an interview. Arrow braced himself. 

“I’m glad you’re home, Arrow. I’m sorry you didn’t receive the warmest welcome. I wish I’d known you were coming.”

Arrow said nothing. He let a minute tick by in silence, allowing himself to focus on the pain in his arm. Suddenly that seemed easier to deal with than the fact that his first interaction with Mika after decades was going extremely badly. He knew he was saying the wrong things, but he didn’t know how to say the right ones.

“And I’m very sorry you lost Sarah. That must have been devastating.” Mika tried again.

Arrow’s body stiffened involuntarily at the sound of his wife’s name. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard it out loud. Mika valiantly pressed on.

“I remember the night it happened. I don’t know if you meant to, but you reached out to me. To my mind, I mean.”

“I don’t think I meant to.” Said Arrow. The words came out much softer than he intended. 

“I just woke up to you in my head one day out of nowhere. Screaming and screaming.” Mika closed his eyes as though the memory pained him. “It was awful. I had no idea what was happening. I could barely understand what you were saying but I pieced it together.”

“Sorry.” Arrow murmured. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“I left the mountain right away. I tried to track you. Eventually I found your house, but you were long gone.” He paused, then added with a harder edge to his voice. “I searched for months, Arrow. Every few weeks I’d hear you in my mind but it was like you weren’t talking directly to me. You were just yelling into the void and I could hear you...but I couldn’t find you. You didn’t give me anything I could use to find you. And when I tried to reach out, it was like talking to a rock. It just bounced off. I knew you couldn’t hear me. So I couldn’t help you.” Mika paused for a moment and stared down at the cracked wooden table as though it held answers to the great secrets of the universe.

“I’m really not trying to diminish your suffering here, Arrow, but it wasn’t exactly a shining moment in my life. After a few weeks I couldn’t hear you anymore. I never knew if you were alive or dead. Sometimes I’d hear a rumour about what you were up to, but that was all I had. And based on the rumours....” he closed his eyes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if, even if did find you. But I tried anyway.” Mika finished bitterly.

The silence that followed was deafening.

“I didn’t want to be found.” Arrow croaked after what felt like hours.

Mika began to laugh, but without a trace of humour. It was a short, sharp barking sound that pinged unpleasantly into Arrow’s ears.

“That was made painfully obvious to me, Arrow. Do you think I cared if you wanted to be found? Do you think I gave a single solitary fuck about interrupting your revenge quest?” He was still laughing. Arrow felt tears pounding on the back doors of his eyeballs and willed them to stay away. If he allowed even one to fall, there would be no stopping the flood of grief, hatred, frustration, and loneliness that had been steadily building up over 5 years.

“Mika...” he whispered “...please.”

Mika stopped laughing, but the new tone in his voice was almost worse. His sharp, dark eyes locked onto Arrow’s troubled, hazy ones and for the first time since their reunion, neither looked away.

“All I wanted in the world was to find you and bring you home. So we could make sure you were alright. So we could keep you from hurting yourself. Clearly that ship has fucking sailed. You look terrible.”

Arrow snorted at that, and rubbed his eyes exhaustedly with his good hand. He couldn’t find any words worth using to defend himself. Mika however, had plenty of words left.

“I understand why you left in the first place. We beat that conversation to death years ago.... But why the hell didn’t you come back afterwards?” Mika’s voice cracked.

“I was a mess, Mika. I still fucking am. I couldn’t do that do you, to Paris... I needed to deal with it on my own. I would have been a burden to you if I’d come back then.” Arrow tried. It was an honest answer but he knew it wouldn’t impress Mika one bit. Mika’s frustration was palpable but he took a few deep breaths. He maintained his composure but clearly wasn’t having an easy time of it.

“I missed you every fucking day, Arrow. Not a single soul in this place gets me like you did. But I was happy because you were happy. You deserved it. To hell with what the clan said.” Mika’s voice had dropped to a rasp, like every word was slicing his throat in the way out. “Then all of a sudden we hear your wife was murdered and you’re out there running around like a maniac. And they tell us you’re suicidal AND homicidal, because of course it wouldn’t have been enough to just choose one or the other.”

Now Arrow was the one laughing. He couldn’t help it. It was literally the least humorous thing he’d ever heard in his life but then again it had been a while since anything had really make sense.

“And then you come clumping in here without so much as a how-do-you-do, and you start a fucking fight while I’m just sitting here trying to enjoy my fucking bat broth! What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop laughing!”

“You laughed first!”

“It was either that or jump across this table and break your other arm because you are incorrigible!” Mika protested as he started to laugh again. But it wasn’t an ugly laugh this time. And then they were both TRULY laughing together, like they hadn’t in decades.

“I thought you wanted to keep me safe!” Arrow cackled. “Tuck me away from the world and protect me from harm!”

“Not from ME, you fuckwit!” Mika shot back, almost sobbing in laughter. The realization that his best friend, his brother, might still be somewhere in that broken-down body. Somewhere within reach, that it wasn’t too late to pull him out.

And Arrow was just incredulous that he was still capable of feeling anything besides awful. It felt like coming up for air after years upon years of constant drowning.

It was so unexpected, and so so good.

“Does the offer still stand to fix my arm?” Arrow asked ruefully as their laughter slowly subsided and they landed back in reality, where they both knew very well that it wouldn’t always be this easy. And despite the momentary relief, Arrow had a long hard road ahead of him if he decided rejoining the clan was what he really wanted. But Mika could at least make sure he had 2 functional arms working in his favour.

***

Everyone else in Vampire Mountain was asleep when they slipped into Vampire Mountain’s makeshift “hospital wing”. Mika dug up a splint and bandage. Arrow sat down on one of the cots and gingerly stretched his arm out. He was never one to complain about physical discomfort but it was starting to really really fucking hurt.

Mika had gotten pretty good at this, honestly. Healing wasn’t his area of interest but the ability to reset a bone was incredibly valuable and he knew it. Seba taught him well and Mika was competent enough to do it quite quickly. A few very painful minutes for the person on the receiving end, and then the damaged limb was well on its way to recovery. Most of his “patients” were his trainees whenever they did something stupid during a mock fight - so Mika didn’t particularly care if he caused them a bit of temporary pain. It built character, after all.

But that wasn’t this. It was a bad break, Mika had all the time in the world, and frankly Arrow didn’t need any more pain if it could be avoided. Of course the pang of a broken bone was nothing compared to what he’d already been through, but Mika couldn’t go back in time and save him from that. So he spent close to an hour setting the arm, working as carefully as though he was Michelangelo sculpting the Pieta. And he talked the whole time. He told Arrow stories from the Festivals he’d missed over the years, of the antics of the most recent generation of cubs, the ridiculous politics between princes and generals. Arrow was perfectly content to listen. Every now and then there was a flash of pain that caused him to flinch, but he closed his eyes focused on Mika’s voice, absorbing every moment he’d missed while he was away.

Finally, Mika’s work was complete. Arrow’s arm lay flat on the bed next to him, bound against a split with a pristine white bandage. In a few weeks it would be like it never happened. The dark general sat back and admired his handiwork. It was only then he noticed that Arrow had dozed off somewhere during the process. This didn’t offend Mika in the slightest, judging by his sunken eyes, Mika suspected Arrow didn’t exactly have a healthy relationship with sleep these days. Waking him up now would have been cruel. Mika sat motionless on the bed for a moment, allowing his eyes to lose focus as he stared at the blank stone wall across the room. It had been a long night and he was grateful to empty his brain for a moment. Then he carefully placed a blanket over Arrow, with the full understanding that he would be teased mercilessly for it in the morning. But he didn’t care. Arrow deserved a moment of softness in his hard-knock life, even if it came in the form of a ragged blanket. He had a long road ahead of him if he wanted to regain good standing in the clan’s eyes. Tomorrow he would have to meet with the princes, and if the gods willed it he would be allowed to start training again. But Mika would be there standing beside him, and if necessary he would drag him kicking and screaming through to the other side where this would all just be a memory.

Mika could have made his way back to his coffin on the other side of the mountain. Instead he collapsed onto the empty cot next to Arrow’s where finally closed his eyes and slept more soundly than he had in years.

***

Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I  
Can't even mess it up, although we both try  
No, it don't always go the way we planned it  
But the wolves came and went and we're still standing

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter  
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter  
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same  
When there ain't a crack in the foundation  
Baby, I know any storm we're facing  
Will blow right over while we stay put  
The house don't fall when the bones are good  
When the bones are good


	2. It's Been A Long Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is five years old but I wanted to add it to this collection. Just a little drabble. Set in Hunters Of The Dusk
> 
> Song: See You Again - Wiz Khalifa & Charlie Puth  
> Characters: Mika & Arrow, mentions of others.  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Spoilers for book 9  
> Pairings: I write Mika & Arrow platonically but you can look at it however you want.

(part 1)

/It's been a long day without you, my friend / And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again/

It's a dreary day when Mika finds himself locked in Paris's long-deserted cell. Even after all this time, it remains untouched from the day the ancient prince left this world behind. Just hours ago, word reached the mountain that the legendary Larten Crepsley has joined him there. The first hunter had fallen.

Between the despair on Arrow's face and the unashamed tears streaming from Seba's tired eyes, Mika needed to escape and his weary feet brought him here. The dark prince doesn't know what he's looking for as he mindlessly leafs through a crate of mementos, but a ripped and yellowing piece of paper manages to rip his focus from the devastation of the outside world. It's a drawing, brought to life by the confident hands of a much younger Paris Skyle. Mika's seen it before but the memory hits him like a battle axe. It's them.Mika, Arrow, Larten, Arra, Kurda, Vancha, Gavner, Vanez, Seba… standing shoulder to shoulder and smiling as if there's nothing wrong in the world. Back then of course, there wasn't. This was the moment after Mika's final trial, as close to a photograph as a vampire could get. He misses this, more terribly than he can even admit to himself. He misses them; the presence of the ones that are gone, and the smiles of the ones that are still here.

He hears thunder roll outside, barely muffled by the layers of rock between him and the sky, thinks about the day when all of them would be together again, and wonders if it's coming sooner than later.

(part II)

/How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got? / Everything I do, you were standing there by my side / And now you gon' be with me for the last ride/

Arrow's nearly fallen asleep in his throne when Mika returns to the Hall of Princes after disappearing for hours without an explanation. Arrow was mildly annoyed; they were the only two Princes in the mountain. Someone had to guard the stone, which meant Arrow couldn't take a snack break as long as Mika was AWOL.

"I thought you fell down the water closet." the tattooed prince quips with good-humored exasperation as his colleague sinks wearily into his throne.

"Don't ever die." Mika replies abruptly, seeming to not hear Arrow's greeting.

"Pardon you?"

"I mean it. Don't you ever fucking die on me. I don't care what they do to you. I don't care if you get stabbed a dozen times; walk it off. Promise me."

Arrow stares back at him, at a loss for words. There's so much turmoil in Mika's eyes, it's disheartening. This is a stark contrast to the stoic vampire he knows so well. The dark prince has clearly been off doing some thinking, and not the good kind.

"Alright then. Where's this coming from?" Arrow inquires casually, not quite masking his concern.

"Everyone's leaving. Everyone's dying. Look at Crepsley, after all the shit he survived… look where he ended up." Mika sounds dangerously close to the brink of all-out panic.

"Aye… These are dark times, but they won't last forever. Trust me." Arrow dutifully tries to pull him back from the edge.

"I can't lose the last person on this earth I… tolerate. I can't. You're not allowed to die." Mika's voice cracks but his composure remains marginally intact.

Dismay and confusion keep Arrow silent for several long minutes.

"That's not a promise I can keep forever." He says finally. "The world is an exhausting place and I've already seen too much."

Mika rolls his eyes in return, but doesn't meet Arrow's gaze.

"How about this?" Arrow continues, trying to keep his tone light. "I plan to go when I'm seven hundred and two. I'll meet my end wrestling mountain lions; at least three at once but I hope for more. You'll give a long-winded and pretentious memorial speech that makes me sound more interesting than I am. You'll be the senior prince then. Spend a few more decades whipping the cubs into shape, then come find me. Deal?"

Another silence falls, but this one is more comfortable.

"Why mountain lions?" Mika smirks at last.

"Because I have to outdo Paris. Grizzly bears are so last decade. By the way, you can't use mountain lions when you go. Figure out something original."

"Seems fair. Sharks, maybe." Mika muses, leaning back and closing his eyes. And just like that, he's himself again. Arrow reaches out cautiously and places his hand on Mika's shoulder.

"I tolerate you too, by the way." Arrow adds with the purest sincerity. But Mika's already asleep.


	3. Nothin' In This World Will Ever Break My Heart Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurda's hanging above the stakes and Mika has to let go of the rope. Not the easiest way to break up with someone. Mentions of previous Mika/Kurda relationship. And copious Mika/Arrow bromance some things never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another oneshot that is now several years old and angsty as all fuck.  
> Song lyrics are Nothing In This World Will Ever Break My Heart Again by Hayden Pannettiere (ugh I miss Nashville.)

The atmosphere at the execution is almost physically painful. The disgust, hatred, and viciousness in the crowd is palpable. Mika's blood turns to ice –or maybe acid would be a better descriptor because his every nerve just hurts- the moment he steps into the Hall of Death. He's on Paris's left side as he always is. Arrow's on the right. The royal trio has elected to break tradition and leave the Hall of Princes empty during the execution; this is the biggest scandal in recent Vampire Mountain history.

This is no ceremony. There are no rites to be read. Just one simple deed to carry out, and this ugly matter will be behind them.

Kurda's already in the cage hanging 50 feet above the stakes. Mika glimpses the shine of golden hair in stark contrast to the gloomy cave walls but he can't bring himself to look at the prisoner. The condemned traitor. The general he used to love more than breathing. So like a noble prince does, Mika stares hard at the wall and keeps every thought, every emotion, every memory locked in the back of his mind where it belongs.

The clan needs him to be strong right now. But there are some instincts you can't fight and with both hands grasping the thick frayed rope, he looks. Kurda's on his back, tied up so he can barely move but everyone can see he's trembling. He thanks the vampire gods that the once-golden general's eyes are covered.

He's a traitor and he's getting what he deserves. 

Mika lets go of the rope. One second of ringing silence, then the screaming starts.

He lied to you and he's getting what he deserves.

He's hauled back up and dropped twice more, by Paris and then Arrow.

He was going to kill you and he's getting what he deserves.

The rope is passed back to Mika. He looks again and he wishes he hadn't. The blindfold has come off and Kurda's azure eyes are fixed onto him. Like the moon in the twilight sky they contrast sharply with the blood on his face. He's stopped screaming but is clearly conscious, staring at Mika looking almost peaceful. It's gut-wrenchingly surreal.

The disgraced general's lips move weakly, he tries to speak. He can't.

"I know." The dark prince whispers. No one hears him but Kurda has always been able to read his mind so it doesn't really matter. Once more Mika releases the rope.

There's one weak, strangled cry from the bottom of the pit, and finally merciful nothing. A great cheer goes up from the gathering of vampires. Mika sweeps out of the room before they've even drawn breath. He walks. He has no destination in mind but he finds himself in a secluded cavern near the Hall of Oceen Pird. And he cries.

Arrow finds him after that, when he's kneeling and staring into the fireplace with every tear drained and no emotion left in his body.

"It's not wise to be near me right now." Mika enunciates, surprised at how steady his voice sounds.

"I'm not known for my wisdom." Arrow replies, unfazed. The tattooed prince slowly sits down beside his ravenlike comrade.

For an age, neither speaks. They stare into the flames, deep in thought. Mika knows only 3 vampires in the world who can come close to reading his mind. One is the young woman he once mentored, who fell in battle yesterday. One is the man he just executed. And the last one is sitting on his left side.

"You love the clan more than you loved him." Arrow speaks eventually.

"How did you know I loved him?" Mika hisses sharply. As far as he knew what he'd shared with Kurda had been a his deepest and most favourite secret.

"I don't know how I knew, I just knew." Arrow shrugs redundantly, to Mika's annoyance; he would've appreciated a more concrete reasoning. "You looked at him… differently."

Mika curses.

"Don't worry, no one else knew. Even if they did, no one would've dared to speak ill of it." Arrow continues with forced casuality. Mika supposes that's true enough. Not that it matters now. He hums a non-committal response and falls silent again.

Minutes pass and he feels unbidden tears burning his eyes again. He presses his palms against them, willing them to go back where they came from. They abjectly refuse.

Arrow rests a wide hand on his friend's trembling shoulder. The sobs are silent this time. For that much, Mika is grateful. He allows the tears to run their course while Arrow's palm makes slow, calming circles on his back. When all is still again, he turns to face his friend.

"Did I do the right thing?" his voice isn't strong anymore. It's a desperate croaking sound, and he resents it. He feels like a pitiful, petulant child.

"You couldn't have handled it any differently." Arrow replies after a moment of reflection. "You set your feelings aside and acted in the best interests of the clan. Your honour is commendable."

"But I wanted him dead, once we found out his plan. After I got invested and he started dealing with the Vampaneze, it had never been quite good between us after that, but I never hated him until yesterday. Until I had to let go of the rope." Mika explains dully.

Arrow exhales slowly. Mika knows his brother; he sees the world in black and white; Vampaneze killed Sarah. Vampaneze are evil. Kurda lied and plotted and manipulated to the service of the Vampaneze. In Arrow's world, Kurda is evil. But Mika isn't Arrow, and Arrow understands that. In this moment Mika understands that Arrow understands, and that's enough.

Arrow wraps his arm around Mika's shoulder with great care and no small amount of awkwardness. Mika smiles grimly, taking some small modicum of comfort in his best friend's earnest compassion, and the unshakeable knowledge that nothing in this world would ever break his heart again.

\---  
I finally kept my pride and hailed a cab  
Those cuttin' words you said were the last stab  
There'll be no tears this time, they're all dried up  
No more sweet poison, I already drank that cup  
This tunnel's dark, but there's a little light glowing  
Bright enough for me to run toward knowing

Nothing in this world will ever break my heart again  
Nothing in this world will ever break my heart again  
No pain this life will put me through will ever ever hurt like you  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember what headspace I was in when I wrote this in 2014, but I must've been going through something cause holy fuck??


	4. Toy Soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The noble princes of Vampire Mountain question their own judgement. Takes place during/after the cremations in book 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tiny angst-filled ficlet from a few years ago.  
> Set to Toy Soldiers by Eminem

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win  
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure  
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders  
I ain't never supposed to show it,  
My crew ain't supposed to know it

***

Mika had never truly liked being alone in the Hall of Princes. He'd held the title long enough to be reasonably comfortable with the momentous task of safeguarding the stone while his brethren had business to attend to; but sitting solitary in the massive dome had the tendency to make one feel very small.

You should be down there. He berated himself internally, fists clenching and unclenching around the arms of his throne. She'd be calling you a fool right now, hiding from your emotions up here.

He loathed every fiber of himself for being too weak to attend the cremations; for staying up here in this silent stone hall while his clan provided a fitting funeral for the men who'd died fighting on his orders. And the fierce, beautiful woman who'd been one of the more important pieces of his life.

He hadn't absorbed Arra's death yet. Truth be told, he still had trouble believing that young Darren Shan had actually bounced back from the dead to come bursting in on the investiture with a purpose. Everything that happened after that was just a fuzzy downward spiral which ultimately ended in the dark prince having to decide how he was going to spend this particular hour of his life: standing in front of a sizeable part of his clan, struggling to remain stonefaced while watching Arra's body burn, or holed up in this frigid dome, able to hear nothing but the sound of Kurda's dying screams echoing back and forth through his mind.

He alone had been the one to let go of the rope on the first drop. He remembered it vividly, standing firm on the platform overlooking the pit of stakes. The traitor blindfolded and lying on his back, trembling but silent. Looking out over the crowd, seeing Larten Crepsley's face. In that moment something had passed between the two of them, and he felt Crepsley's burning desire to be standing up here holding that rope himself, reaping atonement for the slaughter of his old mate. The prince stared back at the ex-general, steely eyes telling him; this is for her. Crepsley's curt nod told Mika he understood. He still felt the rough tug as the rope left his hands, the eerie silence that only lasted half a second, and finally the agonized screams as the traitor reached the end of his drop. It had taken 4 drops in total before the screams stopped. Arrow and Paris had taken over for the next two, and Mika finished the job as he'd started it. He'd presided over dozens upon dozens of executions, yet this would be the one to haunt him for the rest of his life. Despite his annoying philosophical speech habits and his rejection of tradition, there were times he'd considered the blonde pacifist as something of a friend.

And then suddenly the world was upside down and he had to kill him.

Life was so random and ugly and strange and Mika just couldn't wrap his head around it. Not today. He felt nauseous over it all, one minute he felt nothing but overwhelming hurt at the thought of Arra, and relished the memory of sending Kurda to his death. The next minute he was inundated with memories of a simpler time, when he'd apprenticed alongside the pacifist, among others. Kurda had been the youngest of the group, ever the precocious one. In his first year of training he'd followed Mika about like a puppy, eager to learn despite his complete incompetence when combat was concerned. The years passed and he spent time training outside of Vampire Mountain. He left as a wayward boy but returned as a man, armed with frightening wit, fierce ambition, and set of opinions that he defended with his life. And somehow that had led to this.

You didn't have to die, Smahlt. the prince thought bitterly, aching in body and mind and ready to be done with all of this. He pressed his forehead into his palm and closed his eyes, surrendering to the images of dead Kurda, dead Arra, dead Gavner… dead everyone. None of you did.

***

/Even if it means goin' toe to toe with these things you know it don't matter  
I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to  
I'm supposed to set an example  
I need to be the leader, my crew looks to me to guide 'em  
If some shit ever does pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em  
That shit I tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it  
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it

***

He longed for his fellow princes to return and discharge him from this solitary vigil. He hadn't slept or eaten since before the start of the investiture. Even prior to the formalities rest had been hard to come by and he couldn't recall the last time he'd enjoyed a good day's sleep. Adrenaline had kept him going strong because he'd needed it to, but even the most formidable of vampires had to run out of strength sooner or later. He'd genuinely considered abandoning his post when the doors finally whooshed open and weary colleagues rejoined him. The exhaustion on their faces was clearly visible and Mika knew the past hour hadn't been any easier on them.

"It is done." Paris exhaled, taking a seat in his throne to Mika's left. "And I pray to the gods I do not live to see so many of my clan burning at once ever again."

"Sorry, Paris." Mika replied stiffly. "I should've gone in your place."

"Don't be foolish, young Ver Leth. You will see many more funerals before your life is over. Far too many." Paris murmured.

"They died fighting, like they wanted." Arrow sighed heavily. "And they were sent to Paradise honourably, like they wanted. But something feels wrong and I can't place it."

"You feel like it could have been prevented." Mika contributed dully, not taking his eyes off the floor. The silence that followed was the only confirmation he needed.

"What else could we have done?" Arrow eventually croaked. There was a hitch in his voice.

There was another long silence.

What else could we have done?

"I don't know." Mika whispered finally.

Both looked unconsciously to Paris. Somehow, he always had an answer, an explanation, or at least a word of inspiration. But the desolation in his ancient blue eyes shook Mika to the core and he knew in that moment their wise mentor felt just as lost as they did.

"My head hurts." Arrow mumbled, covering his eyes with a wide palm.

"Return to your cells and rest, my sons." said Paris gently but firmly. "I shall guard the dome for the remainder of the night. Everything will be alright when you awake."

All three of them knew nothing would be alright anytime soon, but nevertheless the younger princes did as they were told.

"I swear that old bat still sees us as cubs." Mika commented gruffly once they were out of the hall, with nothing but fondness for the elderly prince.

"He always will." Arrow snorted, hiding a thin smile.

A comfortable silence fell between the two as they made their way back to their chambers. Theirs was a brotherhood forged by years of bloodshed, sweat, tears, broken bones, and camaraderie. Never before had their been a more deadly duo upon the thrones of Vampire Mountain.

"We killed our friend yesterday." Mika noted abruptly, not liking the husky edge to his voice.

"It's not about friends or enemies." Arrow sighed. "It's about right and wrong and he betrayed us."

The tattooed prince's voice never wavered, but the confusion his eyes that suggested he was trying to convince himself rather than Mika.

"What Kurda did was wrong. Our sentencing was just." Arrow continued doggedly. "He brought Vampaneze into our mountain. He plotted to assassinate us! He lied, he schemed, he manipulated, he murdered, and he…" his voice finally broke. " …he thought he was acting in the clan's best interests. And…it hurts me to admit it but he was our friend, once."

"Was our sentencing just?" Mika questioned.

"I don't know." Arrow gulped. His mouth opened and closed for a moment as he searched for something else to say but he gave up and whispered again; "I don't know."

"Arra's dead because of him. Gavner's dead. Vanez is blind." Mika mumbled, reaching out and running his hand over the rough stone wall, allowing himself to be momentarily distracted by the sharp sensation.

"That, I do know." Arrow replied darkly.

"I don't want any more blood shed over this. It has to end."

"It'll never end."

The pair meandered on, falling silent once again. They came to a halt at the door to Mika's cell.

"Sleep well, then." said Mika dully, opening the door.

"You as well. Remember what Paris said; everything will be better when we wake up." Arrow answered with a grim smile.

The dark prince nodded gruffly, and the two parted ways. Leaving all thoughts of death and treachery at the door, Mika made for his coffin. It had never felt so welcoming; he revelled in warmth and relief as he carefully pulled the lid down to encompass himself completely. In the few minutes it took for him to drift off into sweet slumber, he was a cub again. Content, naive, and almost innocent. He knew when he woke up there'd be turmoil and questions and anger and grief but could do nothing in this moment except resolve to take it as it came and deal with it like the noble leader he was. The next nights would test everything he had in him. But for the rest of this particular one, he would allow himself to be at peace.

***

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it  
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted  
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it  
This ain't what I'm in this for, it's not why I got in it  
That was never my object for someone to get killed  
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build  
It wasn't my intentions  
My intentions were good.

***


End file.
